Sometimes I Question It All

How do I scratch away the fake to get down to the real root? At least I know I’m being a fake. And that’s some kind of truth. I guess it’s some kind of truth I know, that I’m not being real.

It’s not that I’m not being real, that’s not quite right, it’s just that burdened is how I feel.

Burdened is how I feel.

Is it deceptively simple - these are the kinds of things I want to know. Am I being led astray? I want to be with you, but I’m not today. It feels like time apart is wasted, even though I know that’s the essence of these realms. When I said I’d come out I agreed I’d feel it to help everybody out.

But unsure is how I feel.

There’s only one way to find out, it’s to jump on in. When I’m covered in dreck, I’ll know what I’ve done and where I’ve been. Once I’m broken apart into pieces, I’ll know where I’ve been.

I’ve been in pieces now for quite a long time. I’ve been striated and broken into lines. I’ve been pulled apart like dough. I’ve been stretched and misshapen. I’ve reached of what I can take. So ready to come back home, it’s a joke. It’s a joke how tired I am of being here. I’m ready to come on home.

I know this is probably another phase I have to pass through, but I want to come home, I want to come home. I’m probably another phase of feeling and processing, but I want to come home.

I know it’s not exactly what it seems like. I know when I feel like this then I’ve lost neutrality. I know it’s another layer of stardust, another meteor belt I’m passing through as I expand. I know I’m warming up and melting everything so it can be one. Still it seems like I have to feel like this before I can bring us home. There’s always a moment where I fully feel it, before I can melt it and bring it home, so I’ll just chalk it up to this old process again. I’ll chalk it up to this.

Is it really better to have a form that I think I should return to? Sometimes I just want to keep going and not slingshot back home. Not come back to the page, not open my eyes in the morning. Sometimes I question it all.