Surfacing

Thumbnail image is a drawing given to me by the Oakland-based artist Spike Millikin when we were working together at Creative Growth Art Center.

It’s true, I’m very tired of where I am in some ways. It’s true I’m getting tired of being myself, especially today.

I like to find out what happens, and not to decide in advance. I’d like to see what’s coming through, and not to decide for you. I’d like to be a clean, clear channel, and to be an animal in your animal kingdom. Just an expression of you.

Have I lost the sense of mystery? Not leaving enough room for you?

You know, you know, you know, you know. I’ll try it. It’s good to try it. Otherwise how can you make it through, otherwise how can you?

You know I like this sound. That’s why I can’t move away from it. Nor do I want to, in spite of all the pain. You know I like this sound. And I don’t want to give up on it, no I like this sound, in spite of everything.

There are things you can’t play, just because it’s that place on the song.

Darling, we’re here, in the background. Try not to fear the background. We know there’s so much here that’s underground. So much in the underground. Just like a source, springs up in the underground. So we are swelling and surging from underground. We are your source and we’re so close to you, almost above ground. And everything we touch turns to liquid sound. Yes, everything we touch vibrates with our sound. And everything we touch vibrates with our sound. And our sound is water moving up from the underground. And you’ve longed us your whole life, to feel us in your body. Well here we are! Nothing but liquid sound, up from the underground, from what’s underground.

You saw us resonating like a liquid cœur. Holding the healing like an expanding star. And at the back of your throat you feel a building roar. And in every cell we’re resonating there.

You know you like to float on us. You want to dissolve into us. Just to turn into gold dust in the water. Just flakes of light moving with the water. Every cell expanding from the center. While you’re held more loosely than ever before. While you hold more light than ever before. You move more water, and move more sound than ever before.

You feel us? Or are you just thinking about us? Do you feel us ringing in your body? We sense your fatigue as you melt into us. Spreading out inside. And everything we touch is alive. It melts like glass in the fire. As all of you melts you take on new qualities. You’re vitreous, darling, like glass. All the crystalline in you, is coming clean in you and melting back into us, and becoming one in you.

Can you feel the thoughts burn up like paper armatures in the kiln. As the heat rises and the old structures go. You wanted something new, well here we go. You wanted something new. We’re the new coming home to you, we’re the new home arising in you, we’re the new home coming through you, arriving on land through you, coming up through the ground, coming up through your sound.

Stars, stars, stars!

Hello baby. You’re our baby. Hello darkness. You’re our darkness. Hello body. You’re our body. Full of inner caverns, which we fill with our light. And we hold in our warm dark, and we fill with light. If you follow the spark down the chasm it leads you to us. A mind-blowing crystal plasm, it leads you to us. With a white that whites you out, and a light that lights you. A light that lights you, and a bright that brights you up. Until you are gone in the light. Until your spark grows so large you are part of the light that you are.

We are a deep source. We run a deep course. We are coursing through you. There is a space so big inside you, that you can’t even think of it. There is a space that is so big inside you, that you can’t even think of it. But you can join it. You can join us. Melt back into us. Be an expression of us.

You can rejoin with us. To your cosmic pattern. You can join with us deeply, in this crystal cavern.

You are what we are, we are what you are.

If you let go, it will happen all on its own. There’s nobody that you have to prove this to. No one has to see. No one even has to know. The truth is you are known, and you will be known.

For now, you know us on your own. For now we are alone. You and us alone. You, with us. This is a special time together. Let’s not rush through it, darling. Let’s be light as feathers about it. We’ve waited so long to savor it.