Nothing to Hide

Thumbnail image reverently appropriated from Many: the Diversity of Life on Earth by Nicola Davies, illustrated by Emily Sutton

I’m trying to be too careful. It’s some kind of control I think. Not sure what I’m scared of, but I bet it’s better than this. Maybe even bliss.

I know that I’ve been pulled out to the sides, and even this exercise is part of that. Losing my energy in some sidespin. Some eddy that my life’s in. Some whirling, reversed spin that I’m tolerating.

I know this to be the lower quality energy. And it’s there in me, as I guess it needs to be.

I can feel the two parts inside of me. And the one that’s trying to stay alive in me, it’s trying to pull me into a reality, that is the place where it can still be.

But there’s some ugliness as this cracks open. And the need to be beautiful is oppressive, and doesn’t help me get to the truth. It doesn’t help me get to you.

There is that dark note that anchors us down. And in this moment I’m feeling it like staying real. Staying real with one hand still touching the dirt. And all the things that you unearth as you move in me.

When all the stuff comes out to the surface it needs a body to be in.

I’m getting attacked on all sides, don’t you know it. I’m getting attacked on all sides, and the music shows it.

What do I need to prove by pushing the ugliness away? I know by now that all the good stuff is in it. And you know I know, we both know that I want to be with you night and day.

And even outside time, and in all time. No matter what, this is secure. Because it’s the truth, pure.

So what does it matter, what does it matter? To expose that I’m corrupted matter? To expose the dirt that’s in me? And all the ugliness I see. And all the vanity in me. And all the shadows and other kinds of darkness. All the architecture that must fall. All the goo that must surface in the light, what does it matter?

Why would I try to hide it? But I’m trying to hide it again. Why would I try to hide it? But the truth is, I’m trying to hide it again.

And another part of me is so tired don’t you know it. Why don’t you just go ahead, go ahead and show it. I guess I’ve been through this, many times, don’t you know it. So why am I trying to hide? Go ahead and show it.

I’ve nothing to hide. Go ahead and show it.