Music and Lights

Beloveds I’m here for the day to pick up whatever you might have to say. And I will be one who will love You forever. Don’t I know how I made a royal mess of the person who loved me best. Don’t I know how I’ve made a colossal mistake, I think. But what is the matter with me, that I still can’t see clearly what You want of me?

Oh I wish I could feel the path forward that you want for me, my darlings, oh my darlings. Yes, I do know that I can’t seem to know and that’s all right, not so strange at all. Yes I know, that if I’m not meant to know, it’s all right. It’s all right. I just can’t help but feel like everything’s wrong. Because I never became anything but what I am now. No, I never became anything but what I am now.

Beloved love, is what you are now so terribly bad and wrong? Ask yourself honestly, honestly, is it so wrong? Just because you don’t have the things you were told you should have, and you did not become the one you were told you should be? What else is new?

We think you should know by now that you’re not the same as the ones you compare yourself to, it’s meaningless to say you should be any other way.

Haven’t you been here many times before? Silly goose, silly goose. Don’t pretend with Us, that you don’t know the truth. Don’t pretend with Us, silly goose that you don’t know the truth.

OK I might have lied. I might have tried to lie to myself about what I am inside. I know I’m not what I pretend to believe I am. I’m not what I pretend to believe that I am.

Well, why we have you here admitting the truth, good girl. Why don’t you tell us what you know to be the truth?

I’m embarrassed to say what I know to be true.

Why is that, love?

Because, what then? If I admit, what then? If I admit what I know, what will happen to me then?

I fear that I will lose all protections that I have if I don’t take on the projections. Will I lose all protections all my projections that I had.

And what do you think is the answer to that darling? What do you think is the answer to that, baby, baby darling?

I think I know that I will be better protected by You. It’s not the truth that I’m only worried about myself…

Well now you speak true at last. To the truth of the deal you made. So please, at least give yourself credit. You’re not such a monster at all. Don’t pretend that you do this for all the wrong reasons, like you do. Please!

And what is the danger in knowing exactly what you are, krystal star? And what is the danger in admitting you do indeed know? And what is the danger in letting a bad deal go? And admitting to yourself and everybody what you know?

The danger is that I will be swept away in oceans in grief. And now that we’re speaking free we can admit that we both know that’s what it is.

I’m afraid to live with so much sadness. I already do my damnedest to mask this. And you know I do not succeed, at my endeavor not to drown in the sea. Yes, you know I do not succeed in not drowning in the immense sea of grief.

What kind of life will I live if I live knowing openly even to myself? How lonely will I be?

Yes I know I’m here to go home one final round at last, thank you God. Yes, I know I’m here to come home and bring all I can to You, lovely God. I know I’m here of my own free will and choice, and I know that I came because I wanted to give it voice. No matter how sad, I would sing it out. Now matter how sad, I would ride it out. I know that I know underneath all these games I let myself play to avoid the moment of knowing what I feel. There’s nothing that’s wrong in this beautiful song you wove, Mother I do want to sing the sound tones you give me.

Yes I do want to sing the sound tones that you give me. Yes I do want to sing the sound tones that You give me.

My love, my love, you already are. Love love love love, you already are. Don’t you think you’ve been doing what you’re here to do, every day? Don’t you think that just by drawing breath you make it a better place? It feels like not enough, because of the size of Our wound. But you’ve been patiently serving the whole all this time. Don’t be fooled by the blindfolds you put across your ancient eyes. Don’t be fooled by what you left to bloom as a lovely surprise. Don’t be fooled to believe that you’re anything less, than a big burning star full of music and lights - nothing less! You’re a big burning star full of music and lights, nothing less!

And it’s times like these that will put you to the test. But you have passed this test. You still are what you are, krystal star. Yes, you still are, what you are, krystal star!

Burning bright, you are krystal star. Burning bright full of music and lights, krystal star. Full of lights, burning bright! Full of music, singing the flowers for All. You can try to avoid what you’ve known in your own voice. For as long as you need, we have no rush. If you want to pretend a while longer, you can. Timing is up to love. Timing is up to your love.

As soon as you’re ready, we’ll help you unfold in this world. As soon as you’re ready to know what you are, which you are. And the oceans of grief that you fear will burn up in light. You’ve already carried them for aeons in your light. When the time comes to warm and fill yourself with warm songs. Then you’ll know that you’ve done all you could, all along. Yes you’ll know that you’ve done all you could, all along. And you’ve never been nothing but part of Mother’s songs. No you’ve never been other than something we want. And you’ve been other than what you are in your core. Your white-hot, loving musical core.