Not to Be Defeated

I can’t seem to get away from certain voices, even though I know they’re falsely framing my choices. How can I go on to live down here where everything is wrong? I wish that you take away the struggle. The push and pull and feeling double. In my nature I only want to burn bright and free. In my nature I want to be with you. And you know that about me.

All this pushing and forcing. Trying to pull the reins on horses that want to gallop through valleys of flowers. Who just want to feel their own powers again.

I don’t want to compromise and go back into lies. But I know that I can sometimes have anger cloud my eyes. And it’s not unheard of for me to get stuck in pride. It’s been a rough and rocky ride finding my way back to you. I don’t want anymore to go off trail. This mountain we’ve been climbing is ice and shale.

Please have pity on me, just a thread in the tapestry. Please come and pick me up, I’m just a pup. And I don’t want to be here on my own.

We want to give you the time, we want to give you the space. To really deeply unwind and free yourself from that place. We want to give you the room, to find your ancient boom.

I don’t want any more time. I don’t want any more space, just let me out! I don’t want to cry anymore, I don’t want to be angry at all, anymore. I know that I can’t take another step on this course, just lift me out of here. I don’t want to see which ways the waters flow, just get me out of here. I don’t want to find out how the echoes arrive in the ears of the others. I don’t want to see the details of what they did to my sisters and brothers. I don’t want to show up for the royal stoning of my body. i don’t want to show up for all that happened once already! To see the time loops repeat again and again and again. Don’t have the heart for it.

We know you understand why we want to listen to you get to the end of this painful thread. We know you understand enough by now, to feel our hand at your back. To breathe you through it. To feel you get your own parts back.

We know you want to stay for the final day. To join the happy, as they parade. We know you want to complete as much as can be completed. As you said yourself, not to be defeated. Not to be defeated this time, darling!