Resolving it all too neatly

Thumbnail image from the National Tile Museum in Lisbon.

Have I resolved it all too neatly and too soon? That is only something I can tell when it’s all over. I only know that I am tired of wandering spaces in the dark, reaching my hands along the walls. I have been following a faint spark that’s been getting brighter as I move. I don’t know where it will go, but I know something I didn’t used to know.

What it’s like to do this? Darling, there’s quite a bite to it. Every movement, everywhere I go. I’ve been discovering all the many things I know. There’s been nothing real about the things the thought were real. There’s been nothing real about it, oh God.

How can you come back after that? Well I did it and I will again, I will.

There is something strange about the way it goes, every day unfolding like a dream. Everything is shifting and changing.

Can you come back after that? How can you? Yes I know I did not nail it quite right. But all these pieces of the light, they’re pieces of light. All these are pieces of light. The fact that they’re broken is not my fault, she says. Defensively, insecurely.