Life is A Gift, You Can Only Receive It

Thumbnail image reverently appropriated from Margery Gill's illustrations for What Did You Dream by M. Jean Craig

Seems like something's happening but I couldn't tell you what it is. It's so uncomfortable to be in a divided state. Part of me is with you, is you, I know I am you, but so much of me seems to be here in this state of opposition. Of resistance, and inflammation.

I am inflamed. And I just want to be a flame burning bright. I am inflamed. 

I want to be a flame of light. But I'm what's being burned up instead. That's exactly what it feels like. I'm the materials you are eating alive with the light. And I asked for this, I would I still ask for it, I'm asking for it still, no really, I want this to happen. 

This is love and love in love, responding to my plea. I want to be transformed. I don't want to stay in this form! Not in this lesser, darker form, where the light feels far away. And I can't feel you so easily, or hear you and your voice. 

I wanted to be burned alive, burned into light, until I'm nothing but a flame. I know this is You coming to my aid. 

I'm just lonely right now, and kind of sad. I'm in the darkness where everything feels bad. I'm in the state of thickness. I'm in the state of dark. I'm in a state of happiness, longing for a spark.

I'm longing to be set ablaze by you. To feel you eating me up.

Nothing could be better than this. To feel you heating my flesh, transforming my flesh, into light.

And my fingers have lost their grip. And my voice sounds like paper, dried out. And I'm feeling kind of bored and I'm lonely. And restless, and like there's a spirit in me, that it's hard to respect, interfering in me, it's hard to respect the nature of the small self, even though I know I should. 

I want to love us humans in the form we are right now. But I have to admit I'm resisting it, I have to admit I'm resisting. 

I need a way to be what I am. I'm trying to remember it's not what I am. I'm trying to allow this constriction. Because further constricting makes constriction into friction.

And I don't really like opposing You. And I don't really like opposing. So how can I stop opposing the fact that opposing? How can I stop resisting the fact that I'm resisting?

How can I love the fact that I'm not in touch with love? How can I loosen a flow, loosen the flow around the part that just can't flow?

Life is a gift. You only can receive it.